I Got A New Listing And It's A Real Cream Puff!

I got a new listing and I was searching for the perfect words to describe it in a real estate ad. So I did what many Realtors do. I picked up "Buy A Home" a real estate publication and I plagiarized all my favorite ads. So here goes.

Owner Says Sell!

This charming unique historic home with a beautiful lake view could be a real cream puff with a little TLC. The home features a great floor plan and a comfortable front porch. This 1/2 acre mini farm has immediate possession and is the lowest price per sq. ft. in the neighborhood. This property is loaded with character, call today it won't last long.

Well I may be accused by my fellow Realtors of giving away the secrets of our industry, but as a public service I will try to show how to interpret the real meaning of a real estate ad. So let's break it down starting with the title "Owner Says Sell." This may be my favorite real estate ad line. It speaks the truth and says nothing! If the property is listed and advertised the buyer just might be assured the seller says sell it!

The first sentence of the ad has imaging that would make a poet jealous.

"Charming unique historic home." Charming and unique are the perfect words for describing the ugliest girl in class.

"Historic" Realtor speech for old and decrepid.

"Lake View," climb the cell tower behind the house... if it's winter and the leaves are off the trees you may be able to see a lake. You can also substitute walk to the lake for this clause. Needs a little TLC simply put means bring the bulldozers.

The second line "great floor plan with comfortable front porch.

"Great floor plans it's got all the rooms you would expect (family, kitchen, bedrooms, etc.)

"Comfortable front porch." Comfortable like the shoes you wore out and threw in the trash.

The third and fourth lines as explained below.

"Mini farm" If it's not a condo it could be a mini farm.

"At the lowest price per sq. ft in the neighborhood." The lowest dollar per square foot means that the Realtor used tax record data which was 40% higher than the real square footage.

"The property is cozy." Isn't cozy a cozy sounding word.

"Loaded with character." Describes the ugliest boy in the class.

"It won't last long." Listing will expire in two weeks.

Well that breaks down just one ad to show the true meanings behind the language of a Real Estate ad. You may also want to reread my previous blog "It Makes Sense If You Really Don't Think About It." for further insight about buzz words, facts and their relationship to the truth.

I may write an entire dictionary of Realtor ad terms one day but for now happy house hunting...